Inspired by my friend, fellow ComedySportzer, fellow night Attacker, fellow video game geek, and annoying Nightcrawler imitator ( :) ) Kit Fitzsimons, I've decided to tackle another iTunes meme.
Go to your iTunes/Windows Media Player/WinAmp and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
What do you think of me, iTunes?
"Top Tune Melody of 1979" by Disconet
Hmm...that's an auspicious start. I'm not sure how to read those tea leaves. "Maybe I don't know if this is right or wrong, but soon we're going to move it all night long." I'll take that as acceptance.
Will I have a happy life?
"M*A*S*H - Suicide Is Painless"
Well, iTunes is remarkably good at reading mood, anyway.
What do my friends really think of me?
"Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie
Huh. I always thought of myself as more of a quiet, helpful fellow.
Do people secretly lust after me?
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly" from WKRP
Well, I think that's right up there with "when pigs fly". This is rapidly becoming very depressing.
How can I make myself happy?
"I'm having...chest pain!" from the old "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial
Hmm. Reminiscent of M*A*S*H, actually.
What should I do with my life?
"These Dreams" by Heart
Yeah, I'm good at dreaming. Not following through with my dreams, but dreaming I'm good at.
Why must life be so full of pain?
"Yogi's Boink Walk" from the Hanna Barbera Sound Effects disc
Maybe people keep hitting me on the head with coconuts?
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"S.O.S." by Paradox (covering the ABBA song)
"Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood." Yeah, definitely depressing. Not much hope there. "When you're gone, how can I carry on?"
Will I ever have children?
The Lost In Space Robot says, and I quote, "I cannot accept that course of action."
Will I die happy?
"World Championship Wrestling Theme 1985-1987"
Well, at least wrestling is usually a positive in my life.
Can you give me some advice?
"Theme from Cannon"
Excellent. I'll be getting my advice from an overweight William Conrad. "Eat a bucket of chicken, my son."
What do you think happiness is?
"I Found A Million Dollar Baby (In A Five And Ten Cent Store)" by Fred Waring's Pennsylvanians
Oh, if only I could.
What's my favourite fetish?
"Alive" by Fuzzbox
I can't even understand the lyrics to this song. Try again.
"At Last I Have Control Of Your TV Set" by Ren and Stimpy
Well, I do like watching porn.
What is my significant other thinking at this very moment?
"Licking Stick" by James Brown
Definitely my type of grrl.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
"Klavier" by Rammstein
In other words, destroy the Tootsie Roll Pop. It is irrelevant and gauche.
* * *
I've decided to ask my own question of iTunes, not included on the official meme list, in hopes of making this less depressing.
Will I ever find love again?
and iTunes comes back with "Domino" by Kiss
"Ain't the Virgin Mary, love her I confess, got my hesitations, 'cause she kisses like the kiss of death" Well that's nice. "She's a bad habit that's good-good-good."