So I'm not sure why I'm typing this, but I guess a blog is supposed to be what's on your mind at the time, and this is what's on my mind.
I've been really down lately, and I just can't seem to shake it. It's a lot of things, really, the same old stuff from the past year, but I think this one got triggered by my poor performance in Scott's Level Three class on Tuesday. I had to miss classes two weeks in a row, and I came back this week not really knowing what was going on. I felt like I was dragging the class back, and that's one of my biggest dislikes; I HATE having to inconvenience other people for my own individual shortcomings. Anyway, I felt out of place, and since I felt out of place I couldn't participate well in the scenes, and didn't come away feeling very bright or positive. This led into the next night with ComedySportz rehearsals, where I never really feel like I fit in anyway, and the lack of confidence from the previous night's affair didn't help at all. After begging off participating in a few games (even though Dave Siegel was being very kind and supportive), I finally got roped into being part of one of the three practice teams of the night. I was in with three people I was very comfortable with (Ross, Zack Bly, and Kit), and thought I'd do okay. Alas, in my attempts to try and be energetic and amusing, I ventured outside the framework of the exercise and got called for doing a bit. So, being the already selfconscious and oversensitive fool that I am, I shut down even more. At this point, I'm not looking forward to doing much of anything performance-wise this weekend. I'm really not sure I'm cut out for this sort of thing.
My first impulse is to just slink away and hide for a while, because I know nobody wants to hear me whine about crap. I really want to just raise my chin up, say "fuck it!" and leap in with both feet and have fun, but can't seem to do it. I'm hoping that tonight's ComedySportz show goes well, and jolts me out of my funk.
Anyway, my apologies to anybody who's had to be around me the past few days and felt uncomfortable in the presence of my crappy attitude.