PCQOTD : 1-31-06

Plebian:
"Set the Wayback Machine for 1492, Sherman."

Erudite:
"When he gets in a scrape, he makes his escape, with the help of his friend, an ape named Ape!"

Turn Animal Inside Out

Turn Animal Inside Out
Originally uploaded by TedHobgood.

Is there anything more entertaining than turning an animal inside out? Who knew that sharks were really footballs in disguise?

Spam Of The Day

So I get some great spam mail. Here's the best one that was waiting for me when I got back to work this morning:

Subject: When she swallows your sperm with Spermamax it’s like she’s having a dinner.

With Spermamax you w1ll h@ve more sperm than there is water in the ocean.
Make the bed soaking wet.
With Spermamax your sperm will be the 8th wonder of the world.

Ah, that's entertainment.

PCQOTD : 1-30-06

Plebian:
"They have everything you need to enjoy; you can hang out with all the boys."

Erudite:
"I'd like to thank my brother George."

PCQOTD : 1-27-06

Plebian:
"Anything dirty or dingy or dusty, anything ragged or rotten or rusty."

Erudite:
"We'll hitchhike, bus, or yellow cab it."

The Challenge Has Been Met!

Kit FitzSimons has more than successfully risen to yesterday's smack of the velvet glove. His re-texting of the chibi Marvel superheroes cartoons are hilarious. Chekkem out here. I knew Kit would do a great job at making these already funny cartoons even funnier, but he did an even more amusing job than I had thought he would. He even took the time to go in the background and re-edit the sound effects. Good colour choices, good graphic design, good humour. Too cool.

PCQOTD : 1-26-06

Plebian:
"Sombody oughta hit ya. But I'm not gonna hit ya. I'm not gonna hit ya. The hell I'm not!"

Erudite:
"Sock it to me?"

BTW, I've started attempting to make the Plebian and Erudite quotes related in some way. Now it's a triple game: identify the source of each quote, and explain how the two are related! F'r'instance, yesterday the Plebian was Elton John's "Candle In The Wind", which was a tribute to Marilyn Monroe. The Erudite was an exchange between Jack Benny and Monroe on Benny's tv show.

Today's relationship is actually sort of a double relationship, one obvious and one a slight bit more misty.

Chibi Supahiro Desu

So here's a couple of comics from Japan, featuring non-licensed "kid" versions of some random Marvel superheroes. The situations are rather odd, and all of the dialogue is in Japanese, so god knows what's actually going on in these comics. I would like to challenge MSPaint Sensei Kitto FitzSimons to erase the Japanese dialogue and replace it with appropriately amusing English. Go to it, True Believer!

PCQOTD : 1-25-06

Plebian:
"I would have liked to know you, but I was just a kid."

Erudite:
JB: "Perhaps we could go out to dinner sometime."
MM: "I don't see anything wrong in that."
JB: "Oh, I wish you *could*."

Zzzzzzz...

So a friend of mine who works in a hospital just sent me the following news in an email:

I just read a note from a man who had a highliter in a condom stuck up his butt. His explanation? "I have no idea how it got there. I am a heavy sleeper."

PCQOTD : 1-24-06

Plebian:
"You've got spunk...I hate spunk!"

Erudite:
"Ladies and gentlemen, and take my advice: pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

Scorning the Pervert

So this weekend, I was talking to this attractive girl, and she told me I was so old, I should be dating her mother. I laughed it off, but it did sort of hit me hard. Yeah, she was much younger than me, but I thought she might be fun to hang out with; the age difference between us was about the same as between me and Leesa, and we dated for three wonderful years. Being told flat out that I was old and disgusting really weighed heavy on me. Soon after that, I was with some folks that were bantering about in a friendly manner, and this guy I barely know said (to me) something along the lines of "bald guys are losers who never get laid." Well, I laughed that one off too, but it really hurt to have something I *am* self-conscious about pointed out loudly in a group of people. You might as well have a retarded person in the same bantering situation and rag on them for being retarded. Why not just go whole hog and crack on how old I am and what a pitiful pervert I am?

Anyway, I wasn't having a particularly energizing weekend up to that point, and after those two bombshells dropped, the weekend took a decidedly downward turn. I took a long look in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I ended up not leaving the confines of my four walls all Sunday, and pretty much severed contact with the outside world. Not a productive day. Monday was remarkably similar, but I did manage to go to work. I'll try to be perkier for Tuesday, but I'm not making any promises; I know myself too well.

PCQOTD : 1-23-06

Plebian:
"Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall."

Erudite:
"My whole life is a darkroom. One... big... dark... room."

I Can't Believe He Said That

Most people have probably already seen this, but I don't have cable or decent reception, so this is the first time I've come across it. It's a segment from the Jimmy Kimmel show called "Unnecessary Censorhip", where he takes perfectly acceptable video from tv shows and press conferences and whatnot, and selectively bleeps and/or blurs selected bits to make it sound as if it were obscene. I laughed several times.

Enjoy it here.

PCQOTD : 1-20-06

Plebian:
"People try to put us down, just because we get around."

Here's an amusing story about today's quote. I put the Plebian quote up on my desk at work every day, and people come by to guess the origin of each quote. This morning, somebody came by, looked at the above quote, and said, "I know it's 't-t-talkin bout my generation,' but who is it?"
I smiled and responded, "Yes it is."
"Is it the Rolling Stones?"
"No, who is it."
"Who?"
"Yes."

Golly, I love it when people step right into the trap of a classic vaudeville routine.

Erudite:
"Never let go the coat."

An SNL fake commercial for a phone sex chat line that specializes in service for the only customers that are up at 3 AM: geeks. Ah, this hits so very close to home.

Click here.

(Oh, and Paris Hilton is a dolt.)

Fortunes

So I had a piece of Dove dark chocolate today, and on the inside of the wrapper, there was a little fortune of sorts that read "Naughty can be nice."

I fully agree. Now where's my naughty little partner in crime? I'm so in the mood.

PCQOTD : 1-19-06

Plebian:
"Lovely bird, the Norwegian Blue; beautiful plumage."

Erudite:
"But they hope to the Pope and pray it ain't dope."

Who Will Give Me Ten And A Half?

These mp3s rule. There must be something I can do with these.
link

When Animals Attack

So I just discovered this webcomic today, The Pet Professional. The story revolves around a pet hitman, an assassin who doesn't kill people, but rather animals. The sensitive pet owner or PETA member may not exactly enjoy this, but it's humour, folks. Actually, what draws me to the comic is the art style, especially as evidenced here, here, and here. I think the colour schemes are fabulous, and love the blend of thick and thin outlines. And the Jell-O thing in the last example cracks me up. So if you'd like to see The Punisher with a furry twist, done in retro-style angular art, tune in to The Pet Professional.

Addendum:
Be sure to check out this one. I love penguins, but this cracks me up, especially the last panel. The expression on the penguin's face is priceless.

PCQOTD : 1-18-06

Plebian:
"Well gol-ol-ollleee!"

Erudite:
"The princess, she's here?"

PCQOTD : 1-17-06

Plebian:
"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

Erudite:
"Whether you like it or you don't like it, learn to love it, because it's the best thing going today."

Screw + Ball

Check out this fantastic animation this woman did, playing around with the conventions of classic cartoon animation in a new way. It's very original, although the playfulness of the whole thing reminds me of the Daffy Duck episode where the animator keeps zipping his pencil into the scene and screwing with the world Daffy is in. I wish I could produce really cool, entertaining stuff like this.

Click here because it's the thing to do.

PCQOTD : 1-13-06

Plebian:
"And you knew who you were then, girls were girls and men were men."

Erudite:
"And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

How Ted's Brain Works

So I don't think most people I know realize how my brain works. I'm almost always thinking about wrestling. Well, wrestling and sex. But not together. They're separate entities in my mind. Now some people are into meshing the two, like women's wrestling in the US of A: "oo! Pull her hair! Tear her top off! Catfight! Catfiiiiight!" That doesn't interest me at all. If I want to see women's wrestling, I'll watch Gaea from Japan, which presents women's wrestling as a serious event instead of a T&A show. And if I want to see skin, I'll watch porn.

Hmm. I'm not sure how this got sidetracked into women's wrestling and porn. This started out just being a post about how I'm always thinking about wrestling. I have this dream of one day having my own Flash-animated wrestling series on the web, bringing together styles and characters and cultures from around the world into one ring to battle it out for the one true championship title. Anyway, if you see me staring blankly into space, or I'm muttering to myself while doing strange circular motions with my arms or moving my legs about like a marionette, chances are I'm thinking through a wrestling storyline or dreaming up a new finishing move. Currently, I'm working through in my mind something that starts off as a tilt-a-whirl off the ropes that ends up as a sitout cradle piledriver. So this posting is just to explain what's going through my mind most of the time, and to illustrate that almost nobody has the slightest idea what I just said in the last sentence. Welcome to my world.

PCQOTD : 1-12-06

Plebian:
"Near, far, in a motorcar, oh what a happy time we'll spend!"

Erudite:
"If there's a bright center to the universe, then you're on the planet that it's farthest from."

PCQOTD : 1-11-06

Plebian:
"Up, up, and away!"

Erudite:
"That's the sanity clause, that's in every contract."
"You can't fool me, there ain't no Sanity Clause!"

Fire Up The Generator, Scotty.

I like "generators", those little web page widgets and doohickies that randomly create plots or characters or whatnot. I've written a few wrestling-related ones myself, most notably the Randominator, which randomly generates names of wrestling moves. There's a zillion generator pages out there, and they're always fun to trip across. This blog lists a new generator every day or so, and here's a few I found there, along with my results.

Acronym Generator
Apparently, Ted stands for "Tyrannical, Elementary Dinosaur". I'm insulted.

This Lame Toy Generator is amusing. Remind me of some of the wonderful stuff I've gotten at Wootini (which is NOT lame!)

And apparently, my Masturbation Euphemism of choice is "Pleasing Richard". Has a nice ring to it.

Enjoy.

PCQOTD : 1-10-06

Plebian:
"In a cap, she looked much older, and the bag across her shoulder made her look a little like a military man."

Erudite:
"I'll be your gambler baby, lay down the bet. When we get together mama, you'll sweat."

It's Time To Play The Feud!

Shut up, Louie! This is MATCH GAME, not The Family Feud.

So Saturday night was my first night in charge of Match Game at the DSI Comedy Theater. Normally, Ross White is in charge of the proceedings, but he's at school for two weeks, and as DSI's resident Match Game fanboy, it came to me to start the show off on its month-long run at the theater.

As I started to put the show together, it looked like a big mess; most of the Match Game regulars just couldn't make it for the first show--out of the six people Ross and I had proposed for the panel, four had to bow out. Katy Jack was happy to reprise her role as Martha Stewart, and Dave Siegel was eager to come back into the fold as Ronald Reagan. I got PT to come back as John Belushi, and tapped Kit FitzSimons to do Rod Serling, and Tommy Barbour as Dr. Evil. That gave me five celebrities, and I was fine with that. Then, five minutes before showtime, I was given a gift when Scott "There's No Way In Hell I'm Getting On Stage To Do Match Game" Jennings came up to me and graciously asked, "Do you need me to do Louie Anderson?" I was touched, honoured, and tickled, and we had our six celebrities.

The show rocked like thunder. The crowds were small all weekend, but the people in attendence really seemed to enjoy what we were doing. I came on and introduced myself as your host, Ross White. That actually got a good reaction--and dammit, Ross White should ALWAYS host the show, even if he isn't here! As somebody told me afterwards, Ross White is a star, just like the rest of the celebrities.

Jennings was fabulous as Louie Anderson, in every sense of the word fabulous. His take on Louie was hilarious, as he insisted that we were playing The Family Feud and that he should be hosting the show (when he wasn't consuming candybars). At the end of the show, I had to grunt and groan and shove Louie out of the studio...when we got to the Green Room, Scott told me he actually had a lot of fun, and that really made me feel good.

Just before showtime, Dave asked if he could switch from being Reagan to being Ted Kennedy; he had hosted the 9:30 show as Reagan, and wasn't really feeling it. I was fine with having Ted Kennedy on stage, and as it turned out, Dave's Senator Kennedy is even funnier than his Reagan. Dave was hilarious, with a great accent, drinking like a fish, and coming on to Martha Stewart. At one point, he passed out on the table, and I bent down to shout his name in his ear to awaken him--Dave snapped his head up and did a perfect spit-take in my face. The crowd loved it.

Kit's Rod Serling was fabulous, even though he forgot his tie, socks, razor, and comb (which he found to be an amusing tale afterwards.) I loved the fact that he didn't sit down the whole time, since we always see Serling standing up. Kit ended up in the role of protecting Martha Stewart's honour, which was hilarious. One of the big keys to the Serling performance came from an unexpected source: Mike Bamford is the Match Game TechKing, and every time Rod Serling would speak, Mike would start playing the "Twilight Zone" theme. Hilarious. Then, one time when he didn't play the music, Kit picked up on it and started doing a bit on how he was free, liberated from the weirdness that was pursuing him his whole life! ...and then the music came back.

This post is getting long, but I do want to give applause to Katy Jack for her as-always feisty and put-upon Martha Stewart performance, and to say that I'm really looking forward to her perky Rachel Ray. Tommy did a great Dr. Evil and even brought his own Mr. Bigglesworth. PT is, well, PT is always damn funny, and it was great to see his leering Belushi.

So thanks to Dave Siegel, Kit FitzSimons, Katy Jack, Tommy Barbour, PT Scarborough, and Mike Bamford, with a special thanks to Scott Jennings for coming in at the last second. It was a great show, and Match Game will be returning each and every Saturday in January at 11:00 pm, 10:00 Central. Come by the DSI Comedy Theater and enjoy the hilarious hijinks as we match the stars!

I Want A Crab TV

http://www.hannspree-usa.com

PCQOTD : 1-9-06

Plebian:
"If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it."

Erudite:
"Thousands of guys got guns, but there's only one Johnny Rocco."

Credit Due

So today, Dave Siegel came by the ol' Town Hall at Chapel Hill to interview with the Attorney's Office regarding a possible internship. He got it, of course, because he's one intelligent fellow. Afterwards, he took the time and effort to shake my hand and thank me for putting in a good word for him, which I really appreciated. It's always nice when someone thinks of you and thanks you. Dave Siegel is a good egg, and I look forward to working with him over the next couple of months. I know the Attorney's Office is going to benefit greatly from having someone with his knowledge and work ethic around.

And Dave needs a new head shot.

PCQOTD : 1-6-06

Plebian:
"I knew I should've taken that lest turn at Alberquerque."

Erudite:
"Slight pause while I adjust my accoutrements."

You Know We Have To Do This

So some geeky experimenters probably read about this in Physics class or something, and then decided to go out in the parking lot and do an experiment. Now *I* want to go out in the parking lot and do an experiment! Apparently Mentos (The Freshmaker) and Diet Coke don't play nicely with each other.

View the exciting video footage with annoying musical track HERE.

(Hmmm...how can we trick somebody into putting two Mentoses in their mouth and then taking a gulp of Coke???)

PCQOTD : 1-5-06

Plebian:
"Well it's all right; in fact it's a gas."

Erudite:
"You're spending the night with Fred Garvin, male prostitute."

Conspicuous Consumption

So I've been meaning to do a webcomic for some time now. I really want to learn how to draw, and love the idea of putting out something weekly for people to enjoy and give me feedback on. (I love ending sentences with prepositions.) I get inspired by things occasionally, but somehow always manage to let myself get distracted before I actually produce something. I need to make a New Year's Resolution to buckle down and be artistically productive.

Anyway, the latest thing to inspire me is this online Flash program called "Strip Generator", which features a whole bunch of cool line-art characters (I love line art!) that you place into resizable panels to make your own strip. It's terribly fun, and I love the stark art style.

Here is my little five minute production, just trying out the program for the first time. Enjoy.

PCQOTD : 1-4-06

Plebian:
"A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be."

Erudite:
"Let those who worship Evil's might beware my power."

No Longer Ted

So as I was scanning my friends' blogs this morn, I was reminded by Kit's post that I have been given a new nickname. He has decided that my official nickname shall be "Sketch". The origin of the name is murky, but involved some sort of conversation between Ethan Kaye and Kit, where the latter fellow was trying to say something about me, but for some inexplicable reason, my name came out as "Sketch." Odd, but I like it. It has a nice ring. Ethan and Kit have sworn a blood oath under a dark moon to spread the name far and wide and have it ingrained in the minds of the DSI public. They hope to have it in usage just as common as "Sizzle" is.

So that makes two nicknames I've gotten in DSI, with varying amounts of usage: "Sketch" and "Throbgood". They're no "Short Form Jesus", but I likes 'em.

The Ultimate Showdown

So here's your amusing superhero-related Newgrounds flash animation post of the day. "A musical tale of the greatest battle to ever occur ever." And a damn catchy song at that. Enjoy.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267

PCQOTD : 1-2-06

Plebian:
"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine."

Erudite:
"You're gonna get more than you bargained for. I'm your goddamn partner!"