Bottom Five Worst Wrestling Finishers Ever

Not sure what urged me to post this, but it just goes to show what weird things go through my mind as I walk down the hall at work. Kept thinking of #1 on the list, and started branching out. Anyway, these are the five that popped into my head. You may come up with a different list in your recollection. Enjoy.

#5....The Commando Sandwich. A brief internet search fails to provide any information on The Commandos, but as memory serves, Bad Bad Leroy Brown left the Zambuie Express, leaving Ray Candy without a partner. So they teamed him up with some longhaired fat redneck, and renamed them The Commandos. (none of this may be accurate) Basically, the move has one big fat guy hold the opponent up, and another big fat guy runs into him. Brilliant! (I coulda sworn it was a finisher, but in the linked clip, it's just a penultimate setup move.)

#4....The Ultimate Warrior's Warrior Splash. Less said about this the better. A charismatic but low-talent wrestler, with not that much body weight, doing a no-impact splash...which he frequently did to the BACK.

#3....Kona Crush. Can't find a clip of it. Probably for the best. He'd put his hands on either side of a guy's head and push.

#2....The Earthquake Splash. I love John Tenta...talented guy, great history. Got stuck with some dumb gimmicks. And this move has no impact. (But has a great pre-move war dance!)



and #1....



...Tully Blanchard's Slingshot Suplex. Even when I was a kid I thought, "doesn't dropping him on the ropes add nothing to the impact?" Wouldn't believe it, no matter how many times David Crockett told me Tully was getting extra "spring" off the ropes. (That didn't stop me from trying to talk Shannon Moore into doing a similar move back in the Omega days...) Not sure why I was thinking about it today, but that's how my idle mind works.

Anybody want to see a Top Five BEST Wrestling Finishers Ever?


PS: Yes, I know, #1 should really be the Legdrop of Doom. My bad. (Great themesong though...BROTHER!!!)

PPS: Not a finisher, but golly wonkers, the Garvin Stomp annoyed me.

The Wrestler, The Game

This is exactly the article I hoped exist. Simple-minded and nostalgic that I am, it answers the first question that popped into my mind after seeing "The Wrestler".

Poisoned Frankensteiner & Backdrop Driver

Koji Kanemoto caves in his opponents skull (El Samurai, perhaps?) with the Poisoned Frankensteiner.

Then Steve Williams attempts to give Kenta Kobashi several concussions with his Backdrop Driver (aka Dangerous Backdrop, which is a damn good name for it.)

I have the latter match on VHS somewhere; just about the best wrestling match I've ever seen in my life.

BUHNING HAMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Wristo clutchoski, wristo clutchoski, wristo clutchoski. Hamburger.

The Wrestler Review

Went to see The Wrestler with Tommy Dynamite today. Jennings had told me weeks ago to get in my car and drive however long it took to see it right away, but this was my first opportunity to attend it here in Chapel Hill. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

I liked it. I thought the portrayal of what it's like to be in the world of independent wrestling was amazing--they really did their homework, and were dead-on (except for three minor points that didn't really matter, namely that Marisa Tomei never would've gotten backstage so quickly/easily at a big event, nobody should ever make a gig that big, and I've never heard of anybody getting a solo dressing room at a small event.) They really did capture the thrilling/depressing feel of what it's like to be in front of a crowd at a high school card, and then wandering back to your car past kids' crayon drawings while dragging your rolling suitcase behind you long after the fans have left and the high has left you.

I thought that the Rourke's portrayal of The Ram was amazing. I've met guys like him; former big stars now on their way down, having lost the big bucks and their youth and now ready to sacrifice anything just to please the fans. I can identify with that as well; I think we were supposed to hope The Ram would agree to go with Cassidy at the end and not walk through that curtain, but maybe it's my own wrestling sickness that just made it obvious to me what had to be done at that moment: the crowd were there to see The Ram take on The Ayatollah, and when your music plays, you've got to hit the ring. I was also nodding my head when The Ram was mounting the top rope for his finisher, and looked over to the empty spot in the curtain where Cassidy had fled. She's gone, all you have for sure is the ring and the show, gotta dive off the top and let the heart attacks fall where they may. He had to do it.

The opening sequence with the historical clippings was amazing; somebody put in a lot of effort to replicate the look of Pro Wrestling Illustrated and its ilk. The Nintendo wrestling game moment was perfect. I could've done without the hardcore segment with Necro Butcher. Not that I don't like garbage wrestling, but I didn't think it advanced the plot in a useful fashion. If they had gone the route of showing that the former golden boy of wrestling had no choice but to take whatever booking he could, and was pressured into doing hardcore, that would've been good. Maybe in a director's cut?

I actually don't think I can judge whether this was an Oscar-level movie or not. I think I'm too close to the material myself. As far as replicating the real inner workings and atmosphere of smalltime wrestling, yeah, bang on, that was amazing. The story was touching, but I think I'm too close to that as well. Besides, I'm no movie artisan or supreme critic. But I did enjoy myself, and that's what's important.

Wrestling Moves

Hi there wrestling fans. A clip of Mascarita Dorada has been making the rounds lately. This guy's always been pretty amazing, but that was a really good clip. Lucha Libre generally presents its "minis" better than traditional American "midget wrestling" which tends to be shown as a freak comedy act. (Although ya gotta wonder what Monito was thinking when he agreed to this spot.) I've always been a particular fan of the amazing talents of Mascarita Sagrada. I mean, the guy's about four feet tall, and he dove off a cage, for chrissakes!

Anyway, while midget wrestling in the US has generally been a joke at best and an offensive act at worst, there are some independent presentations that seem to be pretty positive. This looks like an interesting portrayal of one such group.

This post wasn't supposed to be about minis or midget wrestling, actually. I meant to show off some of the amazing moves people are coming up with, so here they are:
The Double 450
Omega Driver
Rollback Driver
An Amazing Counter
The Space Flying Drop
Anything Takuya Sugi does
And, what I think we can all agree is The Greatest Wrestling Sequence Ever

addendum:
After posting this, I discovered a longer video that includes the Double 450 mentioned earlier. Turns out there were a lot of amazing tagteam maneuvers in that match, which make it a must see.

The Green Mist

So when I was a kid, I watched Mid-Atlantic Wrestling whilst living in the middle of North Carolina. One of my favourite wrestlers was a scary guy with his face painted, who went by the now-amusing name "The Great Kabuki". That's the equivalent of calling an American wrestler "The Fabulous Sitcom" or "The Wonderful Ballet" or something, but back then, I though "The Great Kabuki" was a great name for a badguy wrestler from Japan.

Anyway, I liked Kabuki because 1) he wore a cool piece of headgear that his manager would almost nonchalantly pull off slowly to reveal his "hideously scarred" face, 2) he worked them nunchucks somethin' fierce, and most importantly, 3) he could blind and even hospitalize his opponents by blowing a poisonous substance into their eyes, a mysterious weapon of the Orient known as "The Green Mist". To a kid, this was amazingly cool. How I wished I too could learn the secrets of the Japanese warriors and blow the Green Mist!

Years later, an amazingly talented wrestler by the name of Keiji Mutoh came over to America, where he became famous as The Great Muta. Muta was billed as Kabuki's son, and he learned the secrets of The Green Mist from his evil father. I would've loved Muta anyway, with his acrobatic moves and lightning-quick elbow drops, but blowing the mist made him my new favourite.

You can see two fun examples of The Green Mist from Muta here and here. The former has a nice wide spray, and Ric Flair sells it like he's dead. The latter has a nice bit of mist, and then Muta finishes off his opponent with a nice Shining Wizard. (BTW, I'm not sure, but I *think* that the guy who gets misted in the second clip is Kabuki himself!) You can see a nice little interview segment with Kabuki's manager Gary Hart (no, not that Gary Hart) here, followed by a dustup in the ring with Jimmy Valiant. "Get your Asian in the ring!"

And here's a weird little bonus. The Great Kabuki in a music video for a Japanese band???

Big Night In Wrestling

I'm still sick, sitting at home unable to do much more than cough a lot and stare at YouTube. Normally, I wouldn't bother to share that with the blogging world, but I did think this little moment was amusing: I just realized that the biggest night of the year in wrestling is happening tonight, and I had completely forgotten about it. Instead, I've been getting major enjoyment out of watching the 1997 edition of All Japan Pro Wrestling's traditional Real World Tag League tourney. I've gotten more excited while watching this event than I have from watching anything WWE has put out in the eleven years since. I don't even speak the language, and I'm still popping hard for the near falls in these matches. The whole show is booked to perfection, making great use of both the amazing talent (Kobashi, Misawa, Williams, Kawada, Hayabusa, Shinzaki) and the not-so-amazing talent (Wolf Hawkfield? Kamala???) and the performances in the ring really draw you in and make you care about who's about to get pinned. No sledgehammers, no overblown egos, no cartoony blustering...just amazing wrestling action.

I haven't looked at the results yet, and am only halfway through the show, but I'm rooting for Hayabusa and Jinsei, although I'm sure they won't get the win. So I'll cross my fingers for Misawa and Akiyama. I love Kobashi to death, but just find it hard to root for a team that has Johnny Ace on it. Interesting that Bradshaw is in both this event and Wrestlemania.

I'll dig around tomorrow and see how they treat Flair's final show on Wrestlemania, but as far as being entertained, I'm sticking with the Japanese product, thank you.

More Wild Wrestling From Japan

So I got several positive responses to my last post about President Ramu, the little girl from the Japanese wrestling promotion 666 who beats all her opponents with her demon-possessed supernatural power. While discussing Ramu with Vanessa down at Chapel Hill Comics, I brought up another one of my favourite characters from one of Japan's wackier wrestling promotions, namely a fellow who goes by the name of Danshoku Dino. He wrestles for a promotion called DDT, the Dramatic Dream Team, which has more nutty gimmicks than any other wrestling group on the planet.

Dino is my fave though. He is flamboyantly gay, and seems quite obsessed with grabbing his opponents' nuts. He is the master of the testicular claw, and his finishing move is the Danshoku Driver, which involves stuffing his opponent's head in his oh-so-brief tights and then delivering a piledriver. Those of you who are familiar with Japanese wrestling may remember stories of how Bruiser Brody, the 6'8" 285 pound monster, would make his entrance by roaming through the crowd swinging his trademark chain and making everybody run for their life. Well, Dino makes his entrance by roaming through the crowd trying to kiss whatever men he can get his hands on, making them run for their life. Hilarious. And don't get me started on how funny a good Danshoku wristlock can be.

You can check out a match with Dino taking on Akira Tozawa here (part two is here.) He does basically the same bits when he visits the Dragon Gate promotion for a six-man tag match, but it's a fun match to watch when you realize that his opponents are Anthony W. Mori and BxB Hulk, who are basically a couple of boy-band-type pretty boys who are typically marketed towards young women, but that Dino just salivates over (they're joined by Super Shisa, the masked guy). To add to the amusement, Dino's own teammate is Magnum Tokyo, who is a sort of exotic dancer character famous for moves like "The Viagra Driver". They're joined by Naoki Tanisaki. Check out that match here: Part the one, Part the two.

Hilarity.

My New Favourite Wrestler

Professional wrestling has a new superstar, and she's an eight-year-old Japanese girl named President Ramu.

I'm not sure of her whole story, but can tell you that she's with a promotion called 666 out of Japan, a group associated with DDT (Dramatic Dream Team, which is probably the most wackily entertaining wrestling around today.) Ramu, who is cute as the dickens, is also possessed by a demon, which is what gives her her supernatural strength and combat ability. She's pretty much unbeatable as far as I can tell, and is positively adorable. She's the master of the Shining Wizard and the 619, and the Undertaker WISHES he could deliver such a devastating chokeslam.

Check her out here and here, and in this great match. Here's a translated copy of her Japanese Wikipedia entry, and here's her blog, also translated. (Which indicates that her name should probably be "Lamb", although I like the sound of "Ramu" better.)

Oh, and if somebody can get me an Iron Maiden 666 Ramu t-shirt (as pictured above) I will love you forever. Ramu rules!

I'm Famous Again

My pal Megan Stein invited me to go with her to the RBC when The Independent assigned her to do a writeup on the WWE show a few weeks ago. The article is in this week's issue, and here it is! Megan did a great job writing about wrestling for a popular press piece; I think she did a good job of capturing what went on at the show, without falling into the journalistic trap of demeaning what these athletic performers do.

I'm Famous Again

It's been a weird couple of days...some great stuff, some surprising stuff, some wistful stuff... premieres, revelations, regrets, a lot of laughter, far too many tears, and more alcohol than usual. Overall, I think everything is going to be fine. There's lots more projects on the calendar for the near future, with special CageMatch shows, a dvd I'm producing, a music video I'm directing, and of course, Christmas and all the hoopla and merriment and family wackiness that surrounds that. So I have hope that things are going to be good.

The latest bit of positivity is that it turns out that Patton Oswalt DID see the Kinda Patton II: Werewolves and Lollipops project I did for Jason a few months ago. And now I have my own page on Patton's website! Chekkit out here. (Dig that animated header!)

And also this weekend, my friend Matt sent me a copy of the documentary they did on our old OMEGA wrestling promotion (as detailed here) and I've watched a few minutes of it. It looks like it's going to be really, really good. Tells the story of how a bunch of kids from rural North Carolina got together and made one of the best independent wrestling federations in the country. And best of all, I host all the segments of the documentary! I'm in the extras too, talking about how I met the boys and got involved. I haven't watched the whole thing, but I'm told Matt puts me over hard, which would be really cool. It's nice to have one's contributions recognized.

I also just got a dvd in the mail from Mr. Erik Martin that he wants me to produce a promotional video for, so that'll be fun. And this Friday I'm going to try to start work on a music video for Jackson's great song, "Cigarettes On The Ground".

Gotta stay busy, or you'll go insane. Believe me, I know.

Hey, I'm Famous

Looks like the OMEGA documentary I participated in is finally becoming a reality. I'm actually even in the teaser video! More videos are here, and you can preorder the dvd set here. I haven't seen it yet (dammit, where are my free copies!?) but it looks to be pretty damn cool. I filmed all the intros for the various segments as Scott Sullivan, and then did a sitdown interview as Ted Hobgood, done in the center of the empty Southern Pines National Guard Armory, where OMEGA was born.

For those of you who don't know about OMEGA, it's the pro wrestling promotion that I used to work for as announcer, commentator, graphic designer, costumer, etc, etc. It was created by Matt Hardy and Tracy Caddell in the early 1990s as the East Coast Wrestling Federation, which then became the New Frontier Wrestling Alliance (a name I was proud to have come up with!) and finally OMEGA. This small wrestling group from rural North Carolina put on some of the best shows in the country, and our tapes were traded all over the world. People came all the way from New Jersey to see our shows. We produced more homegrown wrestling superstars to make the bigtime than any other independent wrestling organization in America. I never made it big, but I'd like to think I had a small part (albeit a very small part) in helping the guys realize their dream.

I'm really looking forward to checking this documentary out.

What Not To Do At A Wrestling Event

So in the latest issue of The Wrestling Observer Newsletter, they're talking about a lucha show in Los Angeles that drew a huge crowd. This part amused me:

Probably the funniest story of the night is one that nobody saw. Someone tried to mug Kayam and Enigma de Oro after the show in the parking lot with a gun long after almost everyone had left the area. You have to understand the two were wearing their masks and in nice suits, so the scene had to be something right out of a Santo movie. Both guys simultaneously attacked the gunman and tackled him to the concrete, and held him down until security came.

Can you picture that? Hilarious.

Living Like Millionaires

So we had this sort of employee appreciation thingamajig at work last week. I usually skip those sorts of things, because I'm horribly antisocial and laden down with depression, but at this particular event, there was free barbecue, so I went to get a takeout plate. While I was there trying to figure out how to get my free food, I filled out a little ticket for door prizes. I never win anything, but what the hey, right? So I get my meal and depart.

Later, back at work, the Town Attorney shows up with a box and informs me that I was a winner--of some mangy-looking plants. Woohah. So I quickly give them away to people who will not kill them with neglect, as I would. Then they inform me that there were wrestling tickets as one of the prizes, but that I didn't win them, Gordon the British Guy From Planning did. Well, that's cool. I'm not too big on going to WWE shows anyway.

Ten minutes later, Gordon calls me up, says he has no idea what pro wrestling is all about, and asks if I would accompany him to the show and explain what's going on. Cool, I'm always up for a free show and camaraderie as long as I don't have to navigate the parking lot of the RBC Center. So on Sunday, off we go to see a house show of WWE Raw. Well, when we get there, we discover that we don't just have free tickets, no, we have our own luxury suite. A lovely young woman in a red jacket leads us past all the dregs of society in their rasslin t-shirts and their beer guts, and ushers into our private box with leather chairs and our own bathroom. We feel like kings.

Then while we're there, my phone buzzes, and it's a message from Matt Hardy letting me know that he's left two ringside tickets for us at Guest Services. So we let our lovely red-jacketed hostess know that we've decided to take different accomodations for our sporting enjoyment, and move down to front-row center at ringside. Matt and Jeff's father, Gilbert, is there, and people are recognizing him from a recent newspaper article and taking pictures with him, which I found hilarious. I walked over and sat in the seat next to him, and he turned to look at me as if I were another autograph seeker, then jumped and smiled when he realized it was me. I've always gotten along well with Gilbert, and soon he was rattling off dirty jokes as quick as he could.

Back in my seat, I was explaining how the sport works to my friend Gordon and pointing out the different wrestlers and what they were doing. A little while into the show, this big guy comes along with his stripper girlfriend and plops down into a seat next to me, taking up more room than he really should to show off how tough he was. I didn't know who he was, but recognized from his body type and the way he moved that he was a wrestler. So all night, he's jostling for space and acting tough, and we never spoke. Then after Matt and Jeff's match, they run around the ring slapping hands with everybody, including him. When they see me, they give me a big hug and we exchange a few words. After that, the tough wrestler guy says, "Hey! How do you know the Hardys?" I explain I worked with them for about six or seven years as an announcer, commentator, costume maker, publicist, etc, etc. in the early days. Heh. He gave me more room after that. My friend Gordon was amused.

Here's the view from our luxury suite. (click to enlarge)

Gordon sitting in our leather luxury seats:

This is how much closer we got with the seats Matt got us:

Looking back at our box seats. (If you click on the picture, you can see the suite outlined).


All in all, Gordon and I were pretty amused at the chain of events of the evening.

The Man In The Rubber Mask

For when you want to conceal your manliness, wear one of these.

Rasslin Ridiculousness

If you're a wrestling fan, you owe it to yourself to watch YouTube member Maffew's Botchamania vids. They'll make you laugh, they'll make you cringe. It's basically a collection of the worst gimmicks (a la WrestleCrap), worst botched moves (lots and lots of Sabu), crappy promos (Sid Vicious, anyone?), and stupid fans running into the ring (and hopefully getting their ass handed to them). This guy basically has all the clips you've always heard about, and zillions more, and he mixes 'em into entertaining videos. Highly recommended. Watch them all.

Oh, and for those of you who aren't wrestling fans, this is my latest musical discovery (always far too late, am I) via Never Mind The Buzzcocks--it's Kaiser Chiefs doing "I Predict A Riot". And for comparison and contrast, here's a version by one of the crappiest manufactured girl bands ever, Girls Aloud.

Chibi Wrestlers

Here is an amusing little Portuguese site featuring chibi versions of WWE wrestlers.

WRESTLING THIS FRIDAY!!!

As you loyal blogfans learned in this post, I will be making my triumphant return to the wrestling ring this Friday, March 23rd, at the Union Pines High School in Cameron, NC. I've been invited to be the face commentator for an AWA Power Pro show. It's THIS Friday, people! Get up, and get down there!

I just got off the phone with the promoter, so I have a few more details for you ham-and-eggers. The belltime is 8:00, not 7:00 as I guessed at in the previous email (so maybe it'll be easier to make it down there now, right?) The show is called The Night of Champions, and will feature a defense of the Power Pro tag titles in a fourway tagteam bout, an AWA Light Heavyweight match with a great guy, Kirby "Krazy K" Mack, the AWA World Tag belts, and a big Royal Rumble-style battle royal for the Power Pro title, which will end as a TLC match! In addition, a guy with a gimmick I love, Dexter Poindexter; an old friend of mine, Christian York; and the hometown hero (yes, he'll be a face, guys--cooperate!) Cham Pain. (Oh, don't worry--the heel in that confrontation will be Otto Schwanz.) I also just found out that one of the special guests will be Tully Blanchard's former valet, Baby Doll, who I had a HUGE crush on when I was >ahem< younger. So you might get to see me mark out. The first match is going to be two high fliers who I hear are good, Kamikaze Kid and Ultra Dragon, so get there on time! Oh, and due to legal reasons, you can't advertise that certain people will be making a (non-wrestling) special appearance, but let's just say that we may see guys whose names rhyme with Deaf Tardy and Cannon Gore. (Actually, those would be two great gimmicks; I should talk to Grog about that.) So come see all that, see me in the ring, and later on buy the dvd with my running commentary on the matches. Don't be a pencil-necked geek; support your not-so-local non-comedy sports entertainment.

The website for the promotion is here, and you can get directions on that page to the show. (Take US1 until you see the exit for Vass, 690 I think, and it'll take you to the school.)

Click here for a larger view of above pic of me and Willow the Whisp.

Scott Sullivan Returns To Wrestling

I've been asked to do a charity wrestling show back in my old Omega stomping grounds of Moore County. I met a guy at Matt Hardy's Christmas party who is a promoter and wrestler, and he said he loved my work and would like me to come down and do a show for him. A couple of my old Omega buddies will be working the show, including Marty "Cham Pain" Garner and a man I haven't seen in a decade, "The Nomad" Christian York. Christian was Joey Mercury's tagteam partner for years before Joey (who used to be Joey "The Future" Matthews) went to the WWE and became part of MNM. He's a great guy, and I had really hoped he could've made it to the bigtime with Joey. It'll be great to see him again. I think Jeff and Shannon will be making an appearance as well, although not wrestling. (Hmm...I wonder if Willow Tha Whisp will make an unscheduled appearance? He is unpredictable...)

The show will take place next Friday, March 23rd at the Union Pines High School in Cameron, NC. I'm not sure what the belltime is...maybe 7:00? I'm still waiting for the full details. Come on by and see Ted in the ring, and enjoy plenty of great rasslin' action!