Bottom Five Worst Wrestling Finishers Ever

Not sure what urged me to post this, but it just goes to show what weird things go through my mind as I walk down the hall at work. Kept thinking of #1 on the list, and started branching out. Anyway, these are the five that popped into my head. You may come up with a different list in your recollection. Enjoy.

#5....The Commando Sandwich. A brief internet search fails to provide any information on The Commandos, but as memory serves, Bad Bad Leroy Brown left the Zambuie Express, leaving Ray Candy without a partner. So they teamed him up with some longhaired fat redneck, and renamed them The Commandos. (none of this may be accurate) Basically, the move has one big fat guy hold the opponent up, and another big fat guy runs into him. Brilliant! (I coulda sworn it was a finisher, but in the linked clip, it's just a penultimate setup move.)

#4....The Ultimate Warrior's Warrior Splash. Less said about this the better. A charismatic but low-talent wrestler, with not that much body weight, doing a no-impact splash...which he frequently did to the BACK.

#3....Kona Crush. Can't find a clip of it. Probably for the best. He'd put his hands on either side of a guy's head and push.

#2....The Earthquake Splash. I love John Tenta...talented guy, great history. Got stuck with some dumb gimmicks. And this move has no impact. (But has a great pre-move war dance!)



and #1....



...Tully Blanchard's Slingshot Suplex. Even when I was a kid I thought, "doesn't dropping him on the ropes add nothing to the impact?" Wouldn't believe it, no matter how many times David Crockett told me Tully was getting extra "spring" off the ropes. (That didn't stop me from trying to talk Shannon Moore into doing a similar move back in the Omega days...) Not sure why I was thinking about it today, but that's how my idle mind works.

Anybody want to see a Top Five BEST Wrestling Finishers Ever?


PS: Yes, I know, #1 should really be the Legdrop of Doom. My bad. (Great themesong though...BROTHER!!!)

PPS: Not a finisher, but golly wonkers, the Garvin Stomp annoyed me.

Drawing Class

Every time I finish a drawing in class, I get the same feeling you do late at night after you've been drinking far too much and you're leaning over the toilet saying, "Oh god...what was I thinking? I'll never drink again!!!"

I want to draw so much, and it's just so frustrating to not be able to produce anything that looks like anything. It takes every bit of strength I have to resist the urge to scream and quit and go home and not try anymore. It feels childish, which I hate, but the process just frustrates me show, and I'm always disappointed that my drawings look so formless. I also fall into the trap of comparing my drawings to the other beginners, and truly see a wide gulf between them. (I know I shouldn't compare my stuff to others, but the ability differences are pretty stark.) I'm straining hard to force myself to keep trying, but boy, it's hard.

Starting My First Art Class

Okay, so I guess I would call myself an artist; I try to do creative things. I've even made money from my art sometimes. But you know what? I've never taken a single art class. Now that has changed; I've always wanted to be able to draw freehand, but have never been able to really do anything I thought was worth looking at. So after procrastinating for years and years, I've finally signed up for a basic drawing class. Brantley is taking it with me, and if we get something out of it, we plan to continue taking classes. Anyhoo, here are my notes on the first class session, which took place Wednesday:

* * *


The teacher seems cool; he brought in some of his artwork. Very cool small watercolours and screenprints and stuff. He also has examples on his website.

So what we did is hear about the teacher's background (lived in Florida, moved to Durham, went to NYC to be a big artist, did some shows, came back here). Then we got out our giganto newsprint pads and our charcoal or conte crayons, and proceeded to get messy. First we just futzed around and squiggled and drew swirls and shapes to loosen up and (in my case anyway) learn what the hell a conte crayon was. We were told to experiment with soft lines and hard lines, using the point and the side of the crayon, and even pressing so hard the crayon exploded (that was fun). Also used the kneadable eraser to blend and smear lines.

Next, he just set a folding chair up in the center of the room and had us draw it, I guess to see how we did. We did a 30 sec version, a minute, etc. Mine were horrendous. Then we tried timed drawings of the teacher sitting there, but the assignment was to keep our eyes on him and draw on the paper without looking at it. I ended up with nothing that looked human, but had some happy accidents that looked interesting. I think part of this was to see what happened when you just let your hand go without worrying about what you've done "wrong", and also about those happy accidents (which is something my friend Jason always tells me is important in art, but has always driven me crazy.)

Then we did some drawing from memory. He set up an object on a stool and we stared at it for two minutes, and then had two minutes to draw it from memory, to test our ability to judge an objects weight, lines, light/darkness, etc. I did okay on the sort of abstract bird sculpture, but couldn't remember diddly about the stage light that was next. It was interesting to see how my memory of things captured some details, but twisted them surrealistically in my head.

Finally, we did a series of exercises where we were asked to draw something (like "something you're going to do this weekend") and then pass your drawing to the person on your left. You then took the page you just received from your neighbour, and drew another thing ("your bedroom from when you were growing up"). This exercise seemed designed to see how you placed things on a page in relationship to other things. I particularly liked when we were asked to draw "a verb", as then I wasn't obsessed with trying to make my drawing look like some specific real-world object, and could just let my hand and mind run free. (I drew "slam" in an abstract fashion.) At several times during the class, we put selected drawings on the wall and people commented on what they saw.

We were also serenaded by a jazz band while we drew. (More accurately, there was a jazz band practicing in the nearby theater. They were playing mostly jazz standards, but also jumped into Chicago's "25 or 6 to 4" at one point, which was hilarious.)

Overall, pretty decent. The instructor said this is sort of the pattern of the way the class will work: we'll do some drawing exercises, examine them on the wall, he'll give us pointers, etc. I think it'll be a good start. I think lots of outside practice will help as well--just doing drawing over and over. I plan on starting to bring around a sketchbook with me.

Next week we're supposed to bring in "an object that represents you". I think I'm going with my retro old-timey radio microphone.